Motion Sickness

musicless

2011-05-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

I can't sing with a heart so warm
Even though it makes me sweat
These lovely days lack the harm
that drew tears, relentlessly wet

I can't remember the taste no more
but I know that I was choked
how the air gripped and tore
when I was yearning for a smoke

---in progress...

A Question of False Ambition

2011-05-26T01:52:00.000-07:00

Your eyes have sunk in your head,
you turn in your bed,
you've rested enough.

Your parents can tell
cause you look like hell,
you don't leave the house no more.

There's places to go,
like beaches or shows,
but none of that interests you.

You dwell on what's past,
and how long you will last,
but what's next may make you smile.

2010-04-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

This girl wants some pain
wears a shark tooth on a chain
They say she's gone mental
I know she's not insane

My stomach burns, knot's too tight
I spit out fire, I swallow dew

so... no one then.

2009-11-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

ok cool.
its cool when you're so fucking sure of yourself that no ones insults matter.
its also pretty funny when you cover up the scars with swears... what do you do?
take alot of pain
take alot of pain
it stings
and you take it
ok cool
even if i die, something will replace anything i've made.
for i'm ammateur at this whole talent thing.... what should i do?
with all this knowledge, no clue...
save me from the one they call 'you'...
even when it wears off, there's still alot of days
to live down to... i wont follow through with the promises made...
as long as i dont die
i need a breather
i need a breather
it stings
and you take it
ok cool

just forgive me for what i dont mean..

Beebs

2009-11-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

Well I'm thinking I'll just write this one like a journal entry.

Those I have trusted have proved me wrong.
My sorrows are vulgar as the day is long.
But something says to look right past.
The people I loved sing a different song.

(how 'man named truth' of me, hahah)

Anyhow... what a great weekend I'm having so far.
New friends, better than the old ones.
And the cold air totally isn't bothering me.
We just breathe and watch movies and that's good enough.
We drink sometimes, too, and that's lovely.

Lovely.. lovely..
my life's going lovely.

Satan says... jump on one foot

2009-10-08T14:26:00.000-07:00

Dearest to me,
I want to help you on these confused autumn days. For you look so cold in the shade. If I must, I will shuffle you into the lovely sunshine... if I must. Dearest, you look so tired, everyday so tired, every tomorrow. The frosty air keeping hope sparce, warmth gained by very little: a bath, a blanket, a fire or the temporary delight of a drink. I know you have it bad, dearest, but dont plan for the worst. I'll keep diamonds in my eyes, for yours are weathered and grey like a heavy slab of shale. And it gets heavier and heavier, and I'm afraid you'll put out your back. Heavier and heavier, the desires that you lack. You can have my eyes if you like. Oh, when you play your violin, I cant help but listen; I cant help but worry; I cant help but ask how I can better your life... Mother, relax.

Not bound to forget.

2009-09-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

this thing is like a needle jab
like clenching a fist til it cracks
and it makes you feel so stupid
and it makes you feel so wrong
what the hell were you thinking,
writing him a song?
this thing it's cold and harmless
this thing it's warm with blood
when things heat up too fast
the burns leave you numb
so let him drag you across cement
let him drag you to cancun
and drag you to alaska
you could drown in the water
and it wouldn't kill the fire
this thing...
this thing...
he is...
still slightly burning
keeping your body warm...
goddamn little ember...
You'll keep him there for ever.
the tears wont put him out.

Drinks + Camping Poetry

2009-08-28T00:34:00.000-07:00

Hitch a ride with an unknown gent.
Steal his beer, that's time well spent.
'Cuz it dont take much to make me cry,
and you can see right through me with the slightest try.
I want to be back in the city with the crowds and stores.
But I realize theres nothing there but drugs and sores.
Not a person in sight for the most part.
How do I know what's missing with none from the start?
Now I need my guitar, my notebook and heart.
To dwell on the nonsense of life... it's a lark.

Kleenex

2009-08-11T02:20:00.000-07:00

Good day, all.
Well that was a boring, grey, cold, rainy Monday.
I wasn't woken up until 3:oo ; NICE.
So, I'm up and not the least bit tired. In FACT, I think I'll make some coffee to last the whole night.
I'm trying this thing where I don't eat but I go for smoke/coffee walkabouts instead.
It kind of worked today, except I binged on pasta salad HARSH.
Then my Mum made banana-strawberry-blueberry muffins and I binged on those too.
I should find something as satiating as food, like ant-farming... that's a kick in the pants!
"Look at 'em buggers go!"
I've been listening to music all day long on shuffle... I'm forcing myself not to skip any songs despite how many shitty tracks I have on my Ipod.
Azure Ray + rainyday = emotional pothole.
Well Livv and I are going camping next Sunday which should be ridiculously fun and unhygienated, WOO.
More news, I HAVE to study this goddamn driving shit so I can actually get my Learner's Licence soon! For fu*k sakes... I fail at any type of studying or commitment.
Speaking of commitment, I think Hinduism is for me. I'm gonna continue to read into it. <3

That's about all.
PEEEZ OWT.

Now Life

2009-08-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

Do I give up with things that bother me? Do I wait for them to change? Do I change myself? I'm not sure... and I don't like that. I want certainty, but I think I'm immune.

This year is nothing but one big sigh.
I want to go sailing with my best friend.

There I go again, writing on the mirror.

2009-07-09T02:00:00.001-07:00

Summer's giving such a feeling of sinful bliss...

I don't know whether to indulge or... sleep in 'til 2:oo, sit in my quiet room with my sad guitar. The only songs we know are the ones about heartache, cuz that's all we can feel.

But tomorrow, I will do something new.
Always plan on change, but the story is still just in the making.

You can't plan your future's past like some graduation date you want to be proud of.
Why want pride? When time's only pulling us to a place where no one will give a shit what you've done or where you've been or how much money you made anyways...
I just... would rather feel at best all the time...

Doctor, prescribe me something sweet, maybe a boy with a 12 track system.

Who the fuck's going to read this anyways?
I write to myself in hopes of gratitude.
I look in the mirror the same way, with hopes so different.

'Song Write' June 27th 2009

2009-07-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

+
Out the door and far, she walked for miles and more.
To clear a mind so dirty, chalked with dust and lore.
Because her story wasn't laid out for all to see,
she didn't bring much to the table...
and the comfort she seeked could never be reached
without climbing a tree.

Green leaves reflecting envy in the eyes of the dead.
And her brain was ash, and on the ground the grass
reminded her of where she's always been.

The highs and lows go hand in hand,
Her recollection is only sand,
and when the time has come to let it fly
you can find her scattered.. don't let her die
Please, don't let her die.

To the sea, she escaped for a while,
to drown her thoughts and be a child.
Stare off into anew, forget about black and white.
The salty water appealed to her,
she took a dive, cleansed to the bone.
Felt her skin turn into pale stone.

Blue waves reflecting sunlight in the eyes of the dead.
And her brain was mud, and above the surface the sweet air
reminded her of where's she's always been

The highs and lows go hand in hand,
Her recollection is only sand,
and when the time has come to let it fly
you can find her scattered.. don't let her die
Please, don't let her die.
Oh please, oh please please please... don't let her die.
-

June Nurses Hope

2009-06-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

So now I can finally find relevance in the lyrics from 'The Difference in the Shades',
"I have learned that nothing is as pressing as the one who's pressing would like you to believe. And I'm content to walk a little slower because there's nowhere that I really need to be. And I find that life is easier when it's just a blur with no details to confuse who or what or where I was.. so when the ending comes the full regret will seem obscure."

My birthday is coming up and I hope I can grasp life when it all becomes less stressful. I wish for a long summer, and I wish for a summer free of regret and sorrow and self-loathing.

I wish for a summer hot with breezes cool enough to lift my soul. I will do my best, and hope there isn't corruption.

I would like a job, I would like money to waste on flattering summer attire. I would like to travel to the islands. I would like a lot and I ask it come easy.

Flow...
I would like a massage while listening to The Moody Blues and maybe some Van Morrison...
I would like all these things I have tasted before... and more.

2009-05-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I bought a half a pack of smokes... I will make sure I smoke only one a day... right... :)

That's right

Just a Little Song:

2009-05-04T14:36:00.000-07:00

Why must you look away? You keep your mind empty... I'm not sure how you judge my glare... but, love, I just want our eyes to meet. Then maybe you'll feel... feel the injection... from your eyes to your heart and back to me... like a valve, like a valve, it keeps me breathing. It keeps me bleeding... Just look at me - I can see through your so called love... JUST LOOK AT ME! Do I speak in foreign tongues?!... JUST...LOOK...AT... me... how the fuck else can I signal you?... Please, please look at me... don't let me drown in grey. Oh, can you hear me, darling? Ohhh... no... no Lord no- I'm going under again. No friction, just grey. No white light, just grey. No, not even a black night... just... GREY.

Sorry,
am I over reacting?

Inspiration:
>Messenger Bird's Song - Bright Eyes
Dedication:
>To the newest piece of fruit in my life.

Fruit

2009-05-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to the fruits in my life:

The Mango is rotting fruit,
left on the counter,
tea ever awaited
to take away the uncomfortable stench in the air.
The kiwi's are in the grocery bag,
unripe and beautiful in nature.
Like some glowing goddess:
untouchable, so dont call to her.
With your negative wavelength
you can spoil the sugary bond.
We're in syrup
and we drip
drip
drip
When does it end?
When will it dry?
No drips
tea drips
ringing kettle
ringing phone
but no answer
sorry, she was taking out the trash.

my guitar

2009-04-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

is keeping life interesting =)

when the going gets tough, i get writing

2009-04-20T20:00:00.001-07:00

ONE:
calm as a wall too high,
happy when you hold the key to
that easy way in,
but oblivious when you arrive...
cuz they plant flowers where your
footsteps were
so when you go back you can enjoy
the sight and perhaps find
a new path that time

TWO:
and so the feeling never diminished,
the trees never grew too old.
But stayed and healed
whilst the branches drank the sunlight like gold.

and so the well never went dry,
the seas a calm matriarch...
supplying the force of life.
We are but a water-serviced energy
we do not wish for grey

record. survival. desperation. heat. ashes. grey.
fuck the grey, i dont need the grey.

we meet up and drink,
into dim light we sink,
holding hands we are swimming
through endless vessels.
Recognise.
we are smoking on the porch
the breeze is lifting my skin off
layer by tired layer.
this moment is preserved with a kiss.
Despise.
I lay on my bed,
to think in a new dimension.
nauseating thoughts clog my mind.
grey clogs my brain, my sight, my taste, my feel.
Dreaming.
emerge into a wide space.
I need not examine the details.
there is nothing I need there,
but surprise and emotion
so I take my compass...

THREE:
The old days of black and white
I can't relate to anymore...
The absent thoughts of wrong and right
clutch to memories like lore...

FOUR:
we're all screaming into our mirrors,
but we fall in love with the ones we can hear.
they synchronize like zipper treads,
and fall apart like synthetic threads.

when you're a mute, can you complain?
the faults and fracture in only your brain.
or are they? are they?! tell me is this a waste?!
intangible death, metamorphis in haste.

i want to know someone's happy out there,
i want him to tell me and heal me with his artful mind.
got to change, WILL change to get to a better place.
swallowing it just wont get rid of it...

mu mu mu sic sic sic

2009-04-12T03:18:00.000-07:00

"on an off-white, subtle morning
you stretch your legs in the front seat
the road has made a vaccuum
where our voices used to be
and you lay your head onto my shoulder
pour like water over me"

dont answer the door when the sky leaks grey

"isnt it the same mistake? it's not much of an escape"

http://www.myspace.com/rraazzvveeii

rebel rebel

2009-04-07T01:28:00.000-07:00

comedic crisis

burning with a grin

brutal kisses

blood smeared on your chin

it's not cruel

but it sure is surreal

love me today

to end this ordeal

someone please let me sit this one out

I keep running around when all I want is to lay motionless

2009-04-02T16:46:00.001-07:00

My days are subjected to my music.
That's the only interesting thing left here, really.
I shouldn't even engage in social life...
The future is near.
And I sense I will be living in an empty, dim-lighted room (lit by an oil lamp),
just exploring sound... alone with my complete consciousness.
And I will be happy, solitary,

until all my strings have broken.

In the ground

2009-02-27T23:56:00.001-08:00

I'm grounded and have been for a week and a day now. It's shitty, it's the pits, it's balls... but it's all part of an efficient learning process, yes? I'm sure learning not to show up at home drunk at 1am on a thursday night.

Keeping myself occupied has been quite a pain in the ass...
I'm seeking out part time jobs on craigslist so I can attach myself to something else for a change.
I feel way too routined these days, it's killer.
There's no pattern to time anymore. Fuck, it's a friday night, again.
And mom's prodding at the psychological talks again..

Bye fer nao

Nerves

2009-02-21T23:13:00.000-08:00

I spent a week drinking the sunlight of winnetka, california

Where they understand the weight of human hearts

You see sorrow gets too heavy and joy it tends to hold you

With the fear that it eventually departs

And the truth is i've been dreaming of some tired tranquil place

Where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones

And if all the years of searching find one sympathetic face

Then it's there i will plant these seeds and make my home

I spent a day dreaming of dying in mesa, arizona

Where all the green of life had turned to ash

And i felt i was on fire, with the things i could have told you

I guess i just assumed that you eventually would ask

And i wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart

And all those months i just wanted to sleep

And though spring, it did come slowly, i guess it did it's part

My heart has thawed and continues to beat

Oberst

2009-02-08T01:34:00.000-08:00

He is quite possible my favorite human being alive.

Je suppose

2009-02-06T00:19:00.000-08:00

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

No sound but the pulse deepens
No feeling but the reasons are steeped
In my head there's always some sort of buzzing
In my dreams we paint portraits with grey

The slate is dusted by my soft wool hand
sewn together with angel hair
In the light I see all the imperfection
When in dark are never there

My nerves can sense you far away
My eyes can close when you are safe
Only one thing keeps me brave
Only thing that could be is grey
Grey to wash and grey to change
Grey to pat down grey to gain

That skeleton he told me to keep the key in my hand
but it fell in a gutter and out into blue
to freedom and life and life before we knew this
To some place named Atlantis
that we're due to forget

The grey it births nothing
a splatter of null
When you squeeze your eyes shut
to retreat from this track

I have a dream that someday
when the sun is burning us
I can make it to Atlantis
and be given a gift of life

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Winter for ya.

2009-02-05T01:19:00.001-08:00

What am I waiting on?
Is there a meaning to this cold?
I am holding onto my key,
and waiting right behind the door...
Unable to trust my decisions,
though so convinced of my solitude.
I am detatched from all and none.
When the fuck do I begin to run...?